The discordant parts of me struggle to dance together as one.
Are all humans this complicated and uncoordinated?
Do others stumble and trip over their dreams and desires?
Does everyone feel this tension between their inner and outer longings?
The longing for harmony and unity among and within.
Juxtaposed with the longing for awakening and transcendence from the human construct of shame and sin.
Harmony is right here in the center of all that I can hear, touch, see, and feel.
But harmony can be externally deceptive, when the internal is what is real.
Is the harmony I seek my own or yours? How do we respond when our melodies do not align?
Transcendence is elusive. It entices me forward, but then glitches and fades.
Constantly just out of reach.
I am tethered and pulled back from the stars.
To attend to off-beat, inharmonious agitations.
I still have much inner work to do.
What is honest, what is true?
Can all I hold inside ever fully unify?
Is this the immortal quest that can never die?
Will there ever be enough space for all of me?
I am an ocean of unpredictable waves and contradictions, this I know.
I am also a deep sea of life and vitality.
But awareness alone is not enough to bring me to my fullness.
Can I plummet the depths and resurface as the Phoenix within?
Awareness can only take me so far.
I must also be willing to dive.
Deep and far.
Into the dark cold, and through the shadows.
Looking, listening, feeling, discerning.
What in this coldness belongs to me?
Follow my intuition, the warmth in my sacred womb.
My wholeness is a light.
Illuminating the way towards the divine.
This journey is sacred and holy.
The erratic dance is uniquely my own.
Uniting my awakening with the harmonies of all the parts of my life.
I commit to making peace with the process.
I resolve to continue the practice of letting go of perfection.
I choose to embrace the waves as they rise.
I accept the invitation to dive even deeper.